Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize