On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
