Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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