There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
