The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
