You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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