Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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