your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
