no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
