ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
