He told me they were just razor bumps!
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
