Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
this hospital has no fireball
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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