i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Randomize
