your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
