Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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