last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
