yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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