...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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