i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Dear god my vagina.
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