I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
