i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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