I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize