Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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