That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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