my mouth tastes like poor choices
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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