Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
