nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
