found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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