Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
my shit smells like andre
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Randomize
