Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
