paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i think my mom watched the whole time
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
third nipple confirmed
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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