you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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