I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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