She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
