I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
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