yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
