exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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