you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
