so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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