I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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