atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
