Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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