I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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