3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
