Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
This is the high leading the old right now
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
