So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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