so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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