But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I still have a little drunk in my system
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize