K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
