he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
