I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
