Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
