I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
