Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
