i barfeds in our rink
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
