As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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