if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I did not marry a roomba.
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