the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
