I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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