So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Randomize
