I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
