I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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