She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
