oh god the rape fog is back!
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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