im having a threesome with these popsicles
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
