I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
