i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
