Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
