I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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