I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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