I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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