yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
