ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
God, I missed his penis.
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